


Losing Down

by schneefink



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-24
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-03-02 07:31:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2804522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schneefink/pseuds/schneefink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Simon's sixth training camp in Pittsburgh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lightgetsin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightgetsin/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide!  
> Thanks to my betas a. and e. Remaining mistakes are mine.

Simon is back in Pittsburgh a few days before training camp begins. Most guys on the team arrived earlier, and he already missed some of the restaurant visits Sid always organizes, especially when they get new people. The day he's back he goes for lunch with Beau and Borts to the same Italian place they always go, and for supper Kris takes him and Duper to a new restaurant.

"You almost look like you got a tan!" Duper greets him. "All that lying around on the beach, eh? One summer without me and you go back to your lazy ways?"

"I bet I'm faster than you, old man", Simon says, even though he doesn't really think so. He did keep up with his training, but few people on the team are faster than Duper.

"Yeah? We'll see," Duper says, and Kris smirks like he thinks he's faster than either of them.

It's great to see the guys again. He texted with some of them over the summer, even called a few times, but it's not the same. At the informal practice on Tuesday he keeps grinning and bumping into people to say hello. Duper chases him across the ice once and Flower trips him on the other end so he slides sideways into the boards. The guys all laugh at him. Simon missed this.

A couple of the guys from Wilkes-Barre invite themselves over to his place afterwards because "you actually live here, not like us poor rookies who have to stay in hotel rooms," Sammy says with a grin. Simon rolls his eyes and throws a half-peeled carrot in his direction. It hits Dumo, who's sitting on the couch and playing video games like he always does before games. Just like old times, Simon thinks, smiling.

That evening the boys lose the last game of the rookie tournament against Toronto while Simon watches it from the couch with Sammy, hands itching for a stick several times. Afterwards at the bar they don't seem too bothered by the loss: "Summer games don't really count anyway," Dumo says, leaning closer. "It's going to be a great season, huh?"

Simon shrugs and orders another beer. That would be nice, but he's learned better than to expect it. 

***

Simon hates media day. It doesn't really make sense, because media day is mostly about taking pictures and has little to do with the actual media, but he still doesn't like it. 

"I get it," Kapanen says, overhearing when Simon grumbles about it on the way in. "I grew up in Philly, the media there sucks."

Kapanen has blond locks and is barely eighteen, the youngest guy on the roster by far if Simon isn't mistaken. It's weird to remember that he's been that young not so long ago. Even Olli looked more grown-up at training camp last year, and he still had pimples. 

Kapanen grew up as a Flyer. Simon tries very hard not to hold it against him. He'd look terrible in orange, most people do.

Simon read the roster, he knows who's here and who isn't, but he still catches himself looking around for Gibby, Nisky, even Nealer once. He's pretty sure he's not the only one - the first few days are always a bit strange. There are plenty of new people, most of them forwards and more NHL vets than usual. Media day is the one day where all of them run around with name badges, so Simon has to try and memorize all the names and faces as quickly as possible.

He likes to watch the new rookies meet Sid and Geno for the first time, because they always get starry-eyed. It usually takes them days, sometimes weeks, to get over it. To some extent nobody of the team ever completely does, especially when Sid or Geno pull off something incredible on the ice yet again. Simon has seen Sid earnestly following his weird rituals and Geno being a complete goof, but he still occasionally has moments when he remembers that he plays with the two best players in the world. It's pretty cool. 

The arena itself feels familiar, comfortable, almost friendly. Even though many players, coaches, and people from management left, many if not most of the staff are still here: Dana and his guys, Jen, and Meesh and Sam, who are at least known quantities. Simon even thinks he recognizes some of the cameramen, though they scold him when he squints to see them better behind the lights.

"I'm here to play hockey and have fun," he says with an earnest face when the photographer tries to make conversation, even though he's pretty sure there's no microphone around. It's never too early to get back into the habit. 

"Your bland face has gotten better," Kris says in French. "Did you go on a lot of dates this summer?" and leaves laughing when Simon looks for something to throw at him.

Simon leaves dinner early that evening. Dumo chirps him for it but he ignores it. It's important to him that testing goes well this year. Last year he was sick, the media heard about his results, and it was a big mess. He wants to impress the new coaches. Johnston called him during the summer and seemed satisfied when Simon told him about his workout program, but you can't trust anything coaches say in summer.

His work seems to pay off the next day: he knows he doesn't do badly, and the coaches seem happy with his results.

Billy Guerin walks by a few times, and when he stops to watch Simon has to take an extra deep breath to concentrate. He doesn't know what it is about Billy Guerin that makes everyone want him to praise them. "Good job," Billy says before he walks away, and Simon ducks his head to hide his broad smile.

Someone orders pizza afterwards, but whoever it was clearly forgot how much a large group of hungry hockey players can eat. 

"At least Paulie no longer has to cook for two," Duper grins, and Paulie rolls his eyes. 

***

On-ice practice is what he looked forward to the most, but he ends up frustrated. He should have expected it, and to a certain extent he had: learning a new system always takes time, and in the beginning you still have the old instinctive responses. He likes the new system, it gives them more options on the blueline to respond to different situations. He's confident that he'll be able to work with it. 

But not yet, as somehow he or the puck are rarely both in the right position. In addition to that he still expects to hear Todd's voice and it takes him half a second longer to respond to coach Johnston or Agnew.

Halfway through practice Simon starts hitting more, as he often does when he feels wound up and needs to lose the energy somehow. At least that is the same it always was. He holds back for Duper, who of course promptly shoves him out of the way and steals the puck, but Duper clearly enjoys it so much that Simon doesn't even mind much. 

He plays with Borts, and that's familiar. Eventually they settle into a rhythm and things become easier. When they're resting he watches Harri and Sammy closely, and a quick glance shows that Borts is doing the same.

Olli is playing again and will probably be cleared for opening night. That means there's only one open roster spot for Simon, Borts, Dumo, Harri, and Sammy. Ricky is injured, otherwise there would be even more competition. And then there's Chorney, Simon supposes; but Chorney is new, doesn't feel like one of the team yet, and Simon doesn't want him to get the roster spot. 

Last year he and Borts were often competing for a spot with Engo. Engo is gone (with a ridiculous new contract, good for him), and suddenly it feels different. Simon assumes that it'll be him and Borts, but you never know. The last time he assumed something about a roster spot Shero signed Scuderi, and then Olli got a spot on the team out of training camp and Simon started the season in Wilkes-Barre. This summer they signed Ehrhoff, but at least with the loss of Brooksy, Nisky, and Engo it was less surprising this time. Ehrhoff seems like a good guy, and a good player, despite the fact that he was bought out by Buffalo. Simon doesn't even want to know how it felt to be on a team that's so consistently bad.

Harri and Sammy look good out there, especially Harri. He'll make a great NHL D-man one day, probably soon. 

Simon shoots extra hard on his next shift.

***

On Saturday, the team can't decide on a place to eat together, so he goes out to dinner with a couple of the guys from Wilkes-Barre. He doesn't know why actual on-ice practice makes him hungrier than summer workouts, but he doesn't question it. 

The food is delicious, and a couple of them decide to stay for longer when the others move to a bar.

"Man, the food alone is reason to play here for a long time," Harri says between bites of dessert. 

Hack, on his other side, snorts and says something about hunger in German.

"You really think you have a chance to stay here?" Simon asks. He must be drunker than he thought, he shouldn't have let Borts order his drinks. "They keep signing old guys, so the question is when and how many of us they're going to trade away." He's known that for a while, and yet he was still surprised when Joe was traded. At first he thought that being in Dallas at least meant Joe would get a better shot at an NHL spot, but then he was traded to Boston, one of the few teams in the league with a blueline as crowded as the Pens'. At least Joe said that the Bruins aren't the assholes off the ice that they are on it, he even said that Chara is a good guy.

If Simon is honest, a couple of guys probably won't make the NHL anytime soon if they're not traded. He thinks Sammy knows it, too, even though he really wants to play in Pittsburgh because of his dad.

"Maybe," Harri interrupts his thoughts. "But I want to play here, so I just have to play good enough for management not to trade me. I don't mind playing in Wilkes-Barre a bit longer."

I do, Simon thinks with a vehemence that surprises him. He enjoyed playing in Wilkes-Barre, but now he wants more. For years he got the occasional look at playing on the highest level, and that's what he wants, for good.

"There is no 'too good to trade'," he says instead. "There's just 'asset management.'"

Simon hates that phrase. He does the air quotes, and Harri laughs, apparently unconcerned. Simon envies his calm. But then, three years after his own draft Simon was still more patient, too. 

***

The next practice goes better. He's slotted in on the top PK, a nice surprise that makes him even more determined to impress. Kris blows by him once to score a beautiful goal, but overall he thinks he does well. At least Agnew seems satisfied.

He stands by the boards and watches during a break, and Beau skates to a stop next to him.

"Nice play there earlier," Beau says, still breathing heavily.

"Same," Simon says, and it's true: Beau looked very comfortable on the ice and seemed to find Suttsy easily.

"This is finally going to be our year," Beau says, satisfaction in his voice.

Simon frowns, skeptical. They thought the same thing last year. "You have to be careful not to be outplayed by a blond baby Finn," he jokes, gesturing towards the ice where Kapanen is playing with Duper and Comeau. 

Beau laughs. "I'm not worried. Olli's a freak, he's a special case. And anyway, I'm blond too, maybe I can sneak in." 

Maybe being blond is the secret to being loved by the media as a rookie, Simon wonders. They certainly fell in love with Beau and Olli and Kapanen much more quickly than with Borts and Ricky and him. 

"Really, this is our year. I can feel it," Beau insists. "Let's show everyone how great we are, eh?"

He holds up his fist and looks at Simon expectantly. Simon hesitates for a moment, then bumps it with his own. 

Beau beams at him, and Simon finds that he's smiling, even when Agnew sharply calls them back to drills.

***

Simon forgot the feeling of playing a game. Everything seems sharper, clearer, it's like his blood is buzzing with excitement under his skin. The cheering of the fans seems to make him lighter when he skates, and he's beaming at everyone. It's not even game time yet, only warm-up, and it's the pre-season. During the game, or during games in the regular season, or in the post-season, it'll be even better, so much more. 

"How do you like it?" he asks Spaling, who stopped at the boards. 

Spaling looks around. "It's pretty great so far," he says. He points towards the goal. "Does that always happen?"

Suttsy is skating around the net, chased by Flower, who is cursing him loudly.

"No," Simon says with a grin, "sometimes it's Tanger. Or Geno. Or someone else."

Spaling shakes his head. "You guys are strange."

Simon raises an eyebrow. He doesn't know how many teams Spaling has been with before the Preds, but he wonders what he saw in the last couple days to make him think the Pens are weird. Simon wouldn't know, he's never been with another NHL organization. 

"You get used to it," he just says.

Spaling laughs. "I bet I will."

Warm-up is almost over. Simon takes another look around at the stands, where the fans are walking in, and his teammates, who are almost done playing around. The ice looks cold and inviting.

He really loves this. All of the bullshit is worth it to play hockey, to play here.

It's less fun when Detroit scores ten minutes in, while he's in the box, but it happens. That's hockey, it's only a pre-season game, and he's so happy to be back playing that afterwards he's not even angry at the loss. 

***

A bunch of players are sent down on Wednesday. Simon is still in Pittsburgh. It's not that he was nervous – just yesterday Agnew said good things about him to the press, which was nice to read – it's just good to know. 

He catches Borts' eye as they walk into the locker room. "Yeah, I always tell myself not to be nervous, too," Borts says with a laugh. It's a bit of a relief to hear.

The locker room feels less like "training camp" and more like "team" now. The roster cuts were pretty much who he expected, and he knows the majority of the people still here.

Kappy is still here, which surprises him a bit. He's currently sitting next to Kunitz and listening intently to something. It reminds him of Olli, and Simon snorts. But he gets the impression they carry themselves a bit differently: Olli always seems confident in himself, but Kappy seems confident with his surroundings. 

Ehrhoff sits down near Simon's stall and they chat for a bit. His English still has a noticeable accent, and Simon sympathizes. 

"The media here love that we are so many Germans here, it's a bit weird," Hoffer confides.

"That's because it is," Flower says, walking by with a grin. "French is a much prettier language." 

Simon agrees, but wisely keeps his mouth shut and just nods when Flower looks at him expectantly. No way is he getting into a discussion about a topic that a potential future d-partner, one he doesn't know very well yet, might feel serious about. Hoffer promptly protests, Goc gets involved, and Flower looks at Simon like he's been betrayed and calls to Duper and Tanger for backup. 

"This is so unfair, now we have two secret language clubs," Suttsy complains loudly.

"Yes, very unfair," Geno agrees, and everyone laughs. Just the day before Geno had obviously delighted in the opportunity to talk Russian with Toshka.

"Four," Paulie corrects and jerks his head towards the corner where Horny and Sunds are sitting next to each other. Kappy laughs and says something in Finnish to Olli, who just entered the room and looks around in mild confusion. 

"Doesn't matter, you're all playing for an American team," Beau declares. 

"Someone shut him up before he starts singing!" Sills calls. Flower is the first volunteer, of course, and Beau backs away, laughing.

They make it through the whole practice without anyone singing, which is unexpected. Maybe that's what Spaling meant by "strange."

***

It takes a while until the doctors are done with Beau. When he walks out on crutches his face is still white and he's grimacing with pain, but at least he looks less close to panic than before.

"Not long-term?" Simon asks.

"About six weeks," Beau says, exhaling. 

"That's not so bad," Simon says, trying to sound encouraging. He holds up the car keys; Borts got injured yesterday, so Simon volunteered to drive Beau home. 

"Fuck that," Beau spits. "I'm fucking sick of getting injured all the fucking time. All those people who said that I'm fragile, I wanted to prove them wrong, you know? I finally wanted to play a whole fucking season. And now this."

"Hey," Simon says, moving closer. "You can still do that, right? It's just six weeks. You'll come back better than before."

"Fuck," Beau says again. This time it just sounds tired.

"C'mon, let's get you home." Borts would have hugged Beau, but Simon feels too awkward for that, and he doesn't want to unbalance him.

"This team is fucking cursed, man," Beau mutters. 

"We'll do an exorcism," Simon jokes, but it comes out more serious than he intended. "With candles and stuff."

"We should sacrifice a Flyer," Beau suggests. "Who do you think would work best? Their captain or a goalie?" He seems cheered up by the prospect. Simon has to admit that it doesn't sound like a bad idea.

***

On the second day of their team-building outing at the Woodland Resort, most of their morning is free, and Simon enjoys the opportunity to wake up slowly. He hears some rustling in the other bed and guesses that Harri is already awake.

"Is it a Knights thing?" he asks drowsily. "You guys being so quiet all the time?"

"Huh?" Harri asks, sounding bewildered. 

Simon rubs his eyes to wake up fully and rolls over onto his side. Harri is already sitting up and on his phone. "You and Olli," he explains.

"You think Olli is quiet?" Harri asks. "He used to sing in the locker room. Couldn't get him to shut up."

Simon laughs at the mental image. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Harri says. "Maybe he's just shy around the NHL vets. The first time Brooks Orpik stared at me I thought he eats rookies for breakfast," he confesses.

"That would be bad for his diet," Simon grins and sits up. "He's okay, he just doesn't particularly like young guys. But he loved Olli, so that wasn't a problem." And if he's slightly bitter about that, nobody has to know. They're going to crush the Caps this year. He silently apologizes to Nisky.

He tries to watch if Harri acts differently around the vets, but Harri is a quiet guy in general, so it's hard to tell. At breakfast he gets into a very civilized discussion with Dumo about omelets, of all things.

"Cooking not your thing?" Scuds asks, setting his plate down next to Simon's.

"I like cooking," Simon says, surprised. "I do okay. And Duper taught me a bit last summer."

"Cooking lessons?" Scuds says with a grin. "That the next big bonding thing? What's next?"

"Yoga," Simon says, because that's on their afternoon schedule. "I've never done that before. You?"

"Nah. Don't really know what to expect, but we'll find out."

"It's fun," Harri says, turning around. "I tried it during the summer, with Gary Roberts. It's a lot about flexibility."

"And by 'fun' you mean that the positions look hilarious, right?" Dumo asks.

Simon resolves to look for a spot where Geno and Flower can't see him. Or Duper. 

"It's okay, we'll figure it out together," Scuds tells him. "So they can laugh at both of us when we fall over." He smiles and reaches for more water.

Scuds did that last year too, checking in with the rookies. They chatted a bit, but never spent much time talking. Simon almost got the impression that Scuds considered even Tanger a rookie by comparison. Which was fair enough, Scuds is a two-times Stanley Cup champion, and everyone knew one reason he was brought in was specifically to mentor Tanger.

No matter how badly Scuds plays – and to be fair he's been better than last year so far this training camp, and he's never been as bad as Twitter seemed to think – he won't be scratched. The new coaches don't seem determined to play him with Tanger, so with Kris, Paulie, Hoffer, and Olli on the top two lines there's a possibility that he and Simon will spend considerable time playing together.

Simon thinks he could get to like him.

***

Tuesday morning he finds out that Harri and Chorney have been sent down, along with Ebby, Sills, and Sunds. Some of it is cap stuff, of course: Chorney, Ebby, and Sills are all way too good to play in Wheeling. All of them could be up again before the season opener.

Regardless, Simon feels good about still being in Pittsburgh. It sucks that Borts and Ricky are injured, of course, and he likes to think that he'd still be on the roster if they weren't, but the relative certainty, even with Olli being cleared, is freeing.

It must be visible on his face, because Kris smirks at him when he comes in that morning. "Are you finally over your jealousy of Olli?" he asks quietly in French.

"I wasn't!" Simon protests. 

Kris raises his eyebrows.

Simon feels embarrassed. He didn't think he'd been that obvious. "It's hard not to like the kid," he says. 

"Yeah. But you'll have a great season, too. You've looked very good."

Simon ducks his head and hopes he doesn't blush. Kris is one of the people whose approval means the most to him.

"Hey, Olli," Kris says, looking over Simon's shoulder.

Simon turns around to greet him, then frowns. Olli looks subdued and tired, and it's hard to say with him, but Simon thinks he might be paler than usual.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

"Yeah, I'm good," Olli says unconvincingly.

Simon exchanges a concerned glance with Kris, trying to decide if he should press for more.

"Good morning," a voice calls from the other door, and they wave a greeting to Coach Johnston. 

"Simon, could I talk with you for a minute?" Johnston asks. 

"Sure," Simon says. He tries to will himself not to be nervous. Kris nods and leaves, and Simon joins Johnston in a corner of the lounge.

"You've had a good camp," Johnston says. "We've been happy with your play and conditioning. You probably suspected, but I wanted to tell you that you'll be on the opening night roster against the Ducks."

Simon feels a wide smile spread on his face. "Thanks, coach," he says sincerely.

"This is a very competitive blueline that we have here, but I think if you keep working hard you'll be able to play a lot of games this year."

"I want to be good enough to play as many as possible," Simon says. "I'll do the best I can." He's determined to stay up this year, to be good enough to belong here. He wants to wear the Penguins' jersey the whole year and into the playoffs and win with this team. 

"That's what I like to hear," Johnston says with a smile. 

***

There's a different hum in the locker room now, a few minutes before they'll play the first game that matters. Beau and Borts are standing next to the door, talking quietly. Simon told Beau he'll be back on the ice soon and then paused when he looked at Borts; Borts laughed and punched him in the shoulder, just a little bit harder than necessary. 

Simon sits back and just watches. Kris, next to him, is checking his skates one more time. Geno is talking to Horny and Flower is loudly talking to Duper about something. Simon wonders distantly if he should worry about who Duper will tease before games now that Nealer's gone. Maybe Siller, he probably won't even mind. 

"Everything alright?" asks Sid, stopping next to him during his tour through the locker room. 

"Yeah," Simon says truthfully, smiling, "I'm great." 

Sid nods with satisfaction and goes to check up on others.

"One minute!" a voice calls from the hallway, and coach Johnston steps into the room.

He already held his pre-game speech, so he only claps once and then keeps it short. "Alright boys, go out there, have a good game, and enjoy the beginning of the season!"

The guys cheer and walk out into the hallway to wait until they're called. Kris claps Simon on the shoulder, and Scuds nudges him and smiles. Behind them, Sid and Geno are doing their usual fistbump ritual.

The announcer calls his name. Simon steps onto the ice and skates.


End file.
